Coming out?

I’m trying to figure it out.  This blog is anonymous and a great place for me to  throw ideas up against the wall and see if they stick.  Call it an online thinking space if you will.  I don’t even post most of the updates I write.

As I mentioned before, I grew up in a very conservative family.  Politically I tend to be moderate and socially I am comparatively conservative in behavior compared with peers.  I don’t smoke, I do love pipes, but can’t put up with the massive headaches I get from any tobacco products.  I do drink, probably too much when stressed.  Because of some of the social awkwardness I struggled with due to my homeschool background, drinking was an easy way for me to take the edge off in situations where I otherwise struggled to interact.

Dating wise, my relationships were never anything to write home about about, again due to my social awkwardness.  Dating was a bad word in the circles I grew up in.

The experience related to these “vices” as they would be considered by my family, are part of my story and my character, for the good and bad of it.  Rarely has an interesting novel been written about people who never miss a church service, who live perfect structured lives, unless it’s in contrast to another character or something which gives the story flavor.  The perfect person on paper is about as tasteful as eating cardboard and equally as stiff.

I have a travel blog among my various sites and endeavors which is widely followed in my circle of acquaintance.  I would really like to appeal to the greater blogosphere, and do that I need stories with character, interest, the occaisonal drunken escapade, some on the road romance and the like.  So do I “come out of the closet” (nothing to do with my sexuality) so to speak and let it all out there, letting the family fallout land where it may? I really want to, however I deeply value my family relationships.

Many of the bloggers I’ve known who have “let it all hang out” seem to have estranged relations with their parents and while I doubt their blog was the cause, I imagine that the revelation of who they "really" are contributed to the parental fallout. 

So do I start an anonymous travel blog?  I wonder if I could inject enough of myself into it make it interesting enough to gather a following.  While my misadventures tend to be mild I’ve still had and continue having the wonderful experiences necessary to make great travel tales.

It may be hard to understand for those who haven’t grown up in my style family, but it’s an internal struggle that takes up quite a bit of my mind lately.  As I look for more ways to fuel my traveling addiction, writing seems to be a great supplement, but I’ll have to overcome these foibles first.

 - The Reflected Man

"Life is like an Onion...

...you peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep."

Last night my good friend at work really challenged me. He said that I am like my parents, creating my own subculture and building a bubble around myself.

I've got a real problem. I'm angry at God. I'm angry at Dad. Really I'm angry at everyone. I've been trying to sort out how I feel about God.

I have to head over to the airport, but basically I prayed to God this morning and asked for him to help me sort all this out and what came to mind was my friend's abbreviation of the quote above "Life is like an onion, It's got layers." I see that I have all these layers of pain, unforgiveness, sin, misstrust in my life that I need to start working on and peeling back. That the process will be incredibly painful, and honestly I have know idea how I am going to start, but that before I can start understanding life, the universe and everything, I need to start shedding those layers of pain.

So I asked that God would give me the strength to start this process and finish it.

I've got to run to the airport, but i wanted to write this first. San Diego, here I come!

A quote I saw today that got a chuckle:

"He didn't even have the decency to know how stupid he was."

Basic Seminar

Recently my parents mentioned that they had just taken my siblings to a Basic Seminar.

...Ugh, I thought we were done with Bill Gothard years ago. I thought that we left ATI et al gladly, recognizing them as a cult and a vanishing memory in life's rear view mirror. Bleh...

My little brother will be thirteen next week, roughly the same age I was when my family joined those loonies, almost twenty years ago. I'll never forget the guilt and confusion all those teachings caused. I'll never forget how shallow I was and all the false pompus legalism I showed to those around me. It really greives me that my parents did not learn from this and now my little brother might have to struggle through much of the same.

Not only did they take my little brother and sister along, but my newlywed sister and hubby attended also. I hope they don't drag another generation of the family through this nonsense.

Bucket List

On my way flying home from Buenos Aires to Chicago I happened to watch part of the movie Bucket List. The movie itself wasn't outstanding, but having Morgan Freeman & Jack Nicholson as the two primary characters did add a lot. Actually some of the commentary between the two was quite interesting, but I'm afraid that I don't really have the time to go into that right now.

In any case I haven't been too successful at coming up with a five year plan, so I though perhaps I could put down some of the things I would like to do in my lifetime. I will type them as I think them and perhaps reorder later, so they are in no particular priority.

1. Visit all 7 continents. (Six down, one to go as of 6-21-08)

2. Visit all 50 US States (Forty-Nine down, Vermont to go)

3. Cause significant positive change in someone's life.

4. Sail around the world. (Started sailing lessons, but I still have a lot to go on this one.)

5. Earn my pilot's license and instrument rating. (You'd think with all the time I spend in planes, I might just learn this by osmosis.

6. Live for a year in another country.

7. Understand God's love for me.

8. Write an income earning book.

9. Learn to play gutar and sing with it. :-) Don't get out the earplugs yet!

There's more to go, but I'll have to write it later....

In summary of my artistic talent, today I told someone:

"I once tried to draw a stick figure, but he promptly walked off the page and said 'I Quit.'"

Today's favorite quotes.

"It's like trying to sell purple to a rainbow."

"Don't you think that's a bit of an overstated under reality?"